Boy You’re My Reflection

It’s been too long since I updated my blog. Honestly, I got so busy with life in general and then things just sort of went all over the place after Rocky broke up with me in mid March.

It was a relatively easy breakup, although it’s come with certain drama. In the end, I think we were “friends with benefits” for so long without even realizing it and that’s why it was so easy to get over him. I cried for a couple of days… I was upset about it for a week or so… and then I was ready to move on. And he obviously was too because he started seeing someone new 3 days after he broke things off. Whatever.

I moved on. I started dating. I went out with a few guys and I wasn’t really feeling it. I wasn’t even sure if I was ready to get into anything – I just really wanted to see who may be out there and maybe get myself out of the funk I was feeling. Every girl wants to feel loved and wanted… and I needed to feel that after being in a 9 month relationship where I hardly ever felt that. And then came along this man… this oddly perfect for me man.

I’ve never met someone who could read me like I was an open book, begging to be read. He picked up on my expressions, my tone, my body language… as if he’s somehow fluent in “Me”. Things progressed a little fast – a 4 hour first date spent doing nothing but talking at a book store, a 10 hour date spent mostly talking (and some eating), days spent together before he went back to work that are all a beautiful blur now. And the first kiss… literally the most epic of my life. I’ve never met someone I felt so easily connected to. I’ve never believed in the concept of happily ever after or that any man was really like the ones you see in sappy romantic comedies. But it’s real. He exists. I thought he was going to be mine.

And then he decided we should just be friends. It may or may not be forever… I don’t really know for sure. I respect and appreciate his decision in that he was trying to put us both first… caring more about making sure he didn’t hurt me and string me along than anything else. He has baggage. I do too. But he wants to be sure he’s able to go into this 100% and really… we have forever.

But this is so hard… too hard. I’m already getting hurt. I know it every time I see him. My brain is telling me I need to back off, stay away from him. My heart is pushing me, screaming at me to not let him slip away. That’s the hard part… knowing I should cut him out of my life completely before I really get myself heartbroken. And yet, I don’t… because the idea of him not being in my life hurts too much already. I like spending time with him and I get so much joy from it. I’m probably stringing myself along. I told him I wouldn’t wait for him forever – nor would he ever expect me to. But I did promise to be patient… and I am waiting for him to come to his senses. He probably won’t.

The problem is, I probably shouldn’t be in a relationship right now. In fact, I’m pretty sure that has bearing on his decision. I have a bunch of crap going on and I want to be able to put my best foot forward – I deserve that and a man like him certainly does.

This song, which oddly enough… he introduced me to… is exactly how I feel about him. I listen to it often.


Our Valentine’s Day: Why I’m the Best Girlfriend


We celebrated Valentine’s Day last night. Because I worked last week on the 14th and didn’t get paid until the 15th, it made more sense for us to just delay our celebration of this Hallmark and candy company driven holiday. I love any excuse to do something super awesome for him tho.

My Gift(s)

He bought me flowers – very soft pink roses. They are so pretty! But they oddly have twigs of rosemary in the bunch. Is this a sign that I need to do more cooking? lol He also brought me friggin delicious Lindt Truffles. OMG. I am on a weird sugar binge lately and I needed these. NEEDED THEM.

Despite being told that the movie I wanted to see was “Sort of like Twilight” by a mutual friend, he took me to see Beautiful Creatures – it’s one of my favorite books. He didn’t love it, but he certainly didn’t hate it – I even caught him laughing and having a good time at one point. ;)

His Gift(s)

My big gift to him was a Minecraft cake. Okay, so it didn’t turn out as beautifully as I hoped. In retrospect, I probably should have used brownies instead of cake. It was a moist, delicious cake… but it was also pretty messy. Oh well, you live and learn. It was the thought and the hard work I put into it that mattered (plus it was quite yummy and fun!).

I cooked a big dinner. I feel like I don’t get to cook for him as much as I’d like to. I swear that man came for the pussy and stays for the food. (Look baby! I found a place to use that quote… haha). I made citrus blast pasta which is basically fettuccine tossed in a cream sauce infused with orange and lemon zest, mint, basil and Parmesan cheese. SO GOOD. I have made it for him a handful of times – including our first date (I swear, that’s how I hooked this gorgeous man and tricked him into loving me).

But as if all of that weren’t enough… I wanted to do MORE. I wanted so badly to buy him these Star Wars chop sticks I had seen via Pinterest. Sadly, the ones I really wanted that would light up were just too expensive (the ones that don’t light up are like $12 which is awesomely cheap). But I’d kind of already spent more money than I wanted to with the cake and dinner.

FORTUNATELY… I entered a giveaway a few weeks ago and I received the email last night that I friggin won the whole damn thing. And now, I have wonderful gifts to give to him.

Including… A signed Lucasfilm Moleskine journal – which has the Lucasfilm logo on the front, signed by 8 artists of Star Wars: The Clone Wars tv series.

I have dubbed myself the best girlfriend… ever.

Holiday Aftermath (Just An Update)

Geoffrey Geo

I never knew that being an adult was quite so hard. Hi… it’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been so busy, I haven’t had time to update. I’m hoping that will change now that the holidays are behind us. No promises. Last I posted was November and the Presidential Elections had just concluded. Life got crazy after that.

I Moved.

It finally happened. I moved to another town, about 30-35 minutes from where I was in order to be much closer to my boyfriend. Now we live only 5-7 minutes apart. The move was hectic, but a very welcome change in my life. I’m now entirely on my own two feet and it only took me a little less than a year to go from nothing to at least having a life worth living.

I have a new roommate, who I adore. She’s OCD and sometimes that can be a challenge… but I think I’m better for it. Caring about her and her OCD helps me be more aware of myself. In turn, I have the cleanest kitchen floor ever. She’s very respectful of me and my space… and I hers.

I Got a Car… named him Geoffrey.

Finally. I haven’t owned a car since my divorce in 2008. Seriously. In all fairness, I have no business driving. I’m legally blind in one eye and suffer from Narcolepsy. But hey, I have to be able to get to work somehow, right? Exactly. It’s nothing special – a 1997 Geo Metro. Okay fine… it’s a piece of shit, but it runs and it’s getting me from point A to point B. I’ve never had a used car before. I’m not kidding. That’s how spoiled and fucked up I am. My first car in 2002 was a 2002 Ford Focus SE. My parents bought it for me out right and I paid them back half the cost. In retrospect, that was probably a bad idea on their part. In 2006, I traded it in on a brand new 2005 Suzuki Reno that I eventually lost in my divorce because it was in my now ex husband’s name. And so, I have been carless since.

The road to me getting a car was absurd. I sold a bunch of jewelry I’ve been hanging onto for many, many years… just waiting for that moment when I needed it most. The need of a vehicle seemed like that time. I made $800 and I decided to spend it on a moped. Yes… in friggin winter. It seemed like a smart idea at the time. I wouldn’t need car insurance or even a special license. It would be brand new, under warranty and would be amazing on gas.

Except… I didn’t realize I couldn’t drive the thing. Every time I sat on it, I’d have a panic attack. With time, I’d think I was doing better and then something would happen that would send me 2 steps forward and about 5 back. It was so frustrating and disheartening. I got hurt a few times and had some pretty wicked bruises to show for it. Finally, I realized I had to sell it. I was bumming rides to and from work (and I work the late shift!). I sold it for $600 (I spent $835 on it… ugh). Lesson learned.


Work. Work. Work.

I feel like it’s all I do… work and sleep. It came to my attention last night that I work drastically less than all of my co-workers. All but one of them has a second job and it’s because they are in school the rest of the day. I don’t understand how they manage to work two jobs – I can barely keep up with the one and I work part time. I don’t like using my sleeping disorder as an excuse, but it’s all I can think of. I’m so tired all of the time.

I typically work the “6pm – Close” shift, whether we close at 12am during the week or 2am on weekends. That means getting up at 4pm to start getting ready for work – showering, makeup, hair, dressing, getting lunch prepared. I leave about 5:20 and I typically get to work by 5:50 or so depending on the traffic. I’m at work past closing time each night by at least 15 minutes and upwards of 30 while the closing supervisor counts drawers and we complete whatever closing duties are left. Then it’s a 25 minute drive home typically at that hour, so I am getting home sometimes an hour after the store closed.

I realize that that means I have about 15 – 17 hours between my shifts to sleep and do whatever I need to do and for most people, that would be fine. But somehow, it’s just enough. I go home, spend an hour or two unwinding so my brain and my body can relax. I make something to eat, maybe watch an episode of one of my shows and then I go to sleep. Other than a couple of hours midday when I get up to accomplish some things I need to do, I stay in bed and sleep. On bad symptom weeks (which to be fair, I’ve had few of in the last few months), I can barely function at work. It’s so frustrating.

I’m only working about 20-25 hours a week at most. I’m not scheduled much – basically I work the closing shifts on weekends. This 3 day stretch of being off? That’s normal for me. I’ve considered a second job – I’m still looking for one. But wow… I just really am not sure I can manage it, especially if the two jobs ever overlap the same day. Blah.

The Boyfriend

Yes, we’re still together and quite happy. We almost didn’t make it through Christmas without killing each other. Haha. That’s what happens when you put someone who freaking LOVES Christmas (me) with someone who just doesn’t get why it’s such a big deal (him). I’ve never been mad at him before – slightly agitated, yes… but never mad. He kind of ruined my Christmas for me and thankfully, he plans to make up for it (he already started by buying me the Cat5 Cable needed so I can access internet on this computer).

Since I moved, we haven’t seen each other as much as I’d like. I thought moving closer would mean less time orchestrating time together. Unfortunately, it seems as complicated as ever now that he’s been promoted. He was given his own store and is now the manager of one of the Famous Hair salon shops in our area. Yes, I’m quite proud. I just wish it didn’t mean he was working quite so much.

Other than all of the above, we’re quite happy. I love my Squishie. He’s an amazing man who I honestly deserve to have in my life. He’s been supportive and always there to hold my hand through any obstacles I have faced in the last year. I’m thankful for him and I think I’ll keep him for a while. Heehee



Yeah… that’s basically all that’s been going on. Honestly, it’s been more hectic and busy than it sounds.


Cut. Colored. Collared.


Early on in our relationship, I established what I will call “hair boundaries” with my boyfriend. You see, he’s a hairdresser and he is as particular about my hair as I am. Problem is, I wanted one thing and he refused to give it to me. Thus, I established the boundary: I won’t say anything about him growing his hair out and he won’t pitch a fuss when I pay someone else to cut my hair the way I tell them to.

I was avoiding a fight. It seemed logical. But then something happened. He agreed to a different hair cut, plus color. I put my hair in his hands and let him cut it yesterday. It was one of the better decisions I have made involving my appearance. Seriously. I had no idea he could make me look this good if I just put a little more trust in him. I’ve had a few very good hair cuts in my lifetime – the kind that make you feel amazing and you don’t end up feeling like you got just out of necessity. This tops them – and I’m not just saying that because he’s my boyfriend.

I’ve been really interested in pastel hair lately. The trend came about after The Hunger Games became popular. Pastel hair was very common in the book and movie and Effie Trinket became the ultimate fashionista to copy. And why shouldn’t you? It’s GORGEOUS. Problem is, I’m pretty pale and I knew a full head of pastel hair wasn’t going to look good on me. I started looking for alternatives and found in one picture both a cut and color I loved. “Oh hell yes” was the response from my boyfriend upon showing it to him, so we made plans to cut my hair as seen in the image and to color it. Here are the results…

How adorable is that!? Right now, it looks like I just have a bunch of blue in my hair, but it’s actually blue, purple and teal. When the sun hits it, you can clearly see the different colors. It’ll be a few washes before it starts becoming more obvious. As the color fades, they’ll become pastel – my hair is bleached beneath the color. I look like a hot goth girl. I love it. It’s cute, easy to style, impossible to get wrong and it’s sexy! It’s really weird having bangs again. I haven’t had bangs since I was a teenager. Perhaps that’s why I feel like this cut makes me look younger again. Hmm.

Want to see more of my boyfriend’s work? Check out the website I made him for his birthday which includes a gallery featuring mine and other fabulous hair cuts and colors done by him as well as some awesome wigs and cosplay stuff.


My birthday present arrived last week and naturally, he just couldn’t keep it to himself. As soon as a picture was available, he was wanting to show me. He had a collar custom made for me by a company he was introduced to during his trip to Otakon. It’s called KittyMaille, and they make chainmaille bracelets, chokers, etc. When one of the designers made a collar for their cat with a bell, he knew I needed one.

Yes, I was ridiculously excited and nervous. He’s never bought jewelry for anyone before and I consider this kind of a big deal – maybe not as big of a deal as some people are thinking, but it means a lot to me. I LOVE it. It has a cute wittle bell on it! – which surprisingly isn’t as jingly nor obnoxious like I thought it would be. It is however, kind of tight. I wish it were maybe an inch bigger. I really thought when I measured my neck, that I’d provided myself with more room than this. Oh well. Once I lose some more weight, it won’t be as snug.

Yes, we are aware that we’re that couple. As it was put, now I look like I’m his girlfriend. All references to the Wonder Twins will get you castrated.

The Naked, Bacon Frying Apron


I almost saw my roommate naked on Tuesday. It’s my own fault, really. I need to think twice before I basically give him permission to walk around the house naked in an apron. Yes, I did that. In all fairness, when I said “This is a Naked, Bacon Frying Apron”, I didn’t realize that I was allowing him to use it as such… while I was still home.

I should explain first that we have rules about the “common area” of our apartment. We’re two adults, both with romantic partners that we’re obviously having a sexual relationship with. For this reason, we’ve established the rule that we don’t do anything that involves adult play or nudity in the common areas – which basically means the kitchen and living room. The rule may be broken if the other roommate isn’t home and warning is given – such as putting a sock on the door knob of the apartment. It’s a pretty simple and standard set of rules.

Except I somehow mistakenly practically told my roomie that he could cook bacon in the nude so long as he wore my cow print apron. Really, it’s his fault. I didn’t actually tell him he could do it – particularly while I was home. But then again, I didn’t give specifics. I guess I just thought he’d at least wait to do it until I wasn’t home. In his mind, I was allowing him to do exactly what I said – fry bacon naked in my apron. I laid out no other rules about it. Oops.

So Tuesday morning I find myself in the kitchen, making myself some breakfast when he comes out of his room with his girlfriend who stayed the night. I thought nothing of it – said good morning and began to go back to my room. Everything happened so fast. Next I knew, I was hearing about how he was naked under my apron and frying bacon. *Sigh*

It was all very amusing in retrospect. My roommate is awesome, but I don’t want to see him naked. Fortunately, we’ve since established rules about this as well. And for those wondering, no… that is NOT a picture of my roommate, naked in an apron. I’m not lucky enough to have a roommate with an ass like that strutting around… haha

Do you have a roommate?

What are some crazy things your roomie has done? What sort of rules do you have?