I’ve been sharing a lot of feels and personal things on my blog for the last couple of months. I’d like to think you’re okay with that. I mean somewhere among the posts about Funko, giveaways, and nail polish… there is surely room for little me, right? I just wanted to touch base with you as a reader because I feel like it helps you understand where I am at and why things happen (or sometimes don’t happen) around here.
I’m Not Going Back To Work
I struggled with the decision to not go back to work after getting back from our vacation. I’ve made my peace with it and in my heart I know I made the right choice. I think something weird happens to bloggers like me in the summer. We get so burnt out from all of the work involved in blogging. It’s not a normal 9-5… blogging is a creative process that goes on every hour you’re awake (and sometimes not awake for that matter). It’s draining and often thankless. I put a lot of love and energy into this website and every post is as important to me as the last.
The summer lull got to me this year. It’s that time when a lot of bloggers take extended breaks, the affiliate earnings aren’t as prevalent, and the advertisement sales slow to a crawl. There’s little to no growth and it leaves you feeling unsuccessful. You begin to question why you’re even doing this to yourself and wonder if you’d just be better off going back to a regular job. That’s where I was at just a couple of weeks ago.
I made the conscious decision to not allow myself to fall apart. This blog means the world to me. It’s who I am at my very core. So I have spent the last few weeks really pulling myself together and forcing myself to focus. It’s paid off. I worked past that annoying mental block that was keeping me from enjoying being here. And now, I am certain that while going back to work might be the easier route… it’s not nearly as fulfilling and not where I am supposed to be.
I am incredibly thankful that Jeremy is so emotionally supportive of me and has been there through this difficult transition. I’m really a very lucky lady.
Infertility Can Suck It
My next door neighbor did the sweetest thing for me recently. She rang my doorbell and left for me a bag of goodies, messaging me to tell me she “went for a chocolate run” and had apparently gotten something for me. In the bag I found a Snickers bar, a box of Whoppers, and 2 pregnancy tests. You see… I have spent the last several months having menstrual cycles that lasted anywhere from 20-25 days. They have been on time, mind you… they just lasted forever. Well, I’m significantly late now and I’d complained several times about constant peeing – so she brought me some pregnancy tests.
Negative. Not like I expected anything else.
I’m sad that I’m still not pregnant. We’re doing our best to regularly try, but it just isn’t working out. I told myself that I need to figure out a way to be okay with that. I got really caught up in not being pregnant and I hate to admit it, but I started to obsess over it. If I’m being honest, I still think about it more often than I should, but at least I’m getting better about it.
It’s really okay that I’m not pregnant right now. In fact, it may even be some sort of blessing in disguise – if you believe in that sort of thing. Being pregnant would have prevented me from making the trip to Florida to be with the daughter I already have. It would greatly impair my lifestyle right now that I’d honestly hate to give up. Having a baby to look after would mean no more random trips to Walmart at 2am for some ice cream and other stupid trips I don’t need to be dragging a newborn around to do.
And so for now, it’s okay that I am not pregnant. I will get there eventually. Infertility can still suck it tho.
Reaching For Some Blogging Goals
I just celebrated this blog’s 2nd Blogiversary. Unfortunately, I’m not quite where I feel like I should be and I have a lot of goals yet to reach.
I made a very big change recently since PassionFruit Ads is crumbling – I wanted to be sure that I never run into this problem again. I want to manage my ad zones and advertisement sales myself. No more paying a service to do it for me or waiting for someone to pay me weekly. I’m so pleased to announce that I have that now. You can purchase ad spaces right here on my blog, only leaving to complete your purchase via PayPal.
It isn’t a perfect system. It means more work on my end, I think. That said, you can upload a banner and link just as you could with PF and even log in to see your ad’s statistics. And if you’re not comfortable with the system, you can just email me directly and I can set up an ad – a lot of my sponsors do that anyway.
I have been doing a little better with my blog images since we moved into our house and I have dedicated space for taking images. That said, the light in my office isn’t particularly great even during the day. It’s always been my plan to purchase photography lighting and learn to use it. Unfortunately, I can’t afford that right now.
So I did the next best thing… I bought a pack of 3 daylight bulbs. I have a few lamps with rotating heads on them that would be perfect to use in a pinch… but they all had soft white (yellow) bulbs in them. Ewww. I’m hoping this change will mean I can take better photos and spend less time worrying about bad lighting.
Speaking of needing lighting… I want to Vlog, but Vlogging is such a huge undertaking… or I feel like it is anyways. For starters, I don’t feel think I even have the equipment for it. I need lighting as I already mentioned and I don’t know that my camera is enough. I have an older DSLR that actually belongs to my bestie… but I know almost nothing about this huge, clunky camera. Haha I know it needs lenses but I am hesitant to invest in something that expensive when again… I know nothing about it. Ugh.
I’d really love to do some nail polish tutorials but I definitely don’t have what I need for that – I’ve seen the equipment those ladies are using. But hey, it’s on my goals list and I want to be able to regularly vlog by next year. I’ll not likely become a famous YouTuber, but it’s a medium I’m interested in.
I’m starting to understand why people shy away from home ownership. Yes, money is a factor… but I think it’s really the combination of money and effort that gets to people. Maybe if Jeremy were home more than a couple of days a week it wouldn’t be as big of a deal, but as it stands it’s totally impossible to accomplish anything with this house.
The lawn is horrible. I’m incredibly embarrassed of it. It’s not entirely our fault mind you – Lennar’s landscapers did a horrific job on the sod and they didn’t take care of it before we moved in. The sod shrunk and big patches of it died in the backyard especially. But also, we haven’t taken as much care of it as we should. I know squat about grass, okay!?
Our neighbor’s lawn looks freaking amazing – so lush and green. It’s the literal definition of the grass being greener on the other side. You can see where the property line ends. Oh gosh it’s so bad. So we bought some grass seed and I went out and watered the grass and put down the seed. Some of it took… most of it didn’t. So we just kept watering and hoping. It looks fractionally better… but it has such a long, long way to go.
We bought some Scott’s Weed & Feed last week and borrowed one of those neat spreader things that throws the little pellets around from one of my friends. Jeremy mowed what grass we do have and spread it out in the front yard, followed by a lot of watering. I used our brand new rake to rake up all of the pine straw out of the beds to pull up weeds and spray weed killer. It looks tons better there.
We also bought more seed – the same Bermuda Grass seed I caught the aforementioned neighbor using. Pfft! If his lawn can look nice, so can ours damnit! Speaking of which… Jeremy just folded on spending money to work on the yard. I think he’s upset about how it looks too – especially after seeing that they now have gorgeous, black mulch next door and solar panel lights at their walkway. The jealousy is real here y’all.
It’s been a week since we did all of that work, and it really shows. I can’t believe what a difference it really made. But wow… the effort. It’s been storming a lot here lately and so we had to be careful about when to put the seed and fertilizer down so it didn’t just get washed away (which it did once anyways). I’m seriously going to keep doing this every few days – watering the lawn and putting this stuff down until the bags are empty. I will have a nice lawn just in time for Fall to swoop in and kill it. Haha!
PAINTING & DECOR
Ha. Haha. Hahahaha. Oh man. We will never finish painting this house. I’m convinced of this. In fact, one of the cats scratched the crap out of a wall in the master bedroom during a freak out (Oliver got a plastic grocery bag stuck on his leg and managed to run through the entire house, including upstairs with it attached to him). Now I have to touch up that wall. But there’s tons of places that need touch ups… like the ceiling that I have to buy paint for because the tape we used peeled the paint off of the ceilings in several places. Ugh.
I have the paint for two bathrooms… and haven’t gotten around to painting them. I’d love to see the entry way painted but with 20 foot ceilings, I’ll have to hire a professional. I’ve priced it out – it’s going to cost upwards of $2,000 for one entry way because of the height. Nope. Looks like that’s not happening this year.
I had so many plans… so many wonderful decorating ideas. I stopped blogging about them because it was depressing to talk about. I realized I wasn’t going to be able to run out and drop a small fortune on everything we want. Maybe one day when the credit card is paid down, but for now… we’re not putting back nearly as much as we would have prior to moving in here and it’s all because every weekend we go out and buy something we need for caring for this house.
Okay, I will admit it. We bought too much house. I know it seems so super great to have all of this extra space and don’t get me wrong… the extra room is nice. But if I am being really honest, we have too much house. Cleaning it is a nightmare and two whole rooms go largely unused.
There is over 1,000 square feet of hardwood floor in this house. And it doesn’t matter how many times you clean it – it’s never actually clean. As soon as the sun starts going down and the sunlight skids across the floor, you see it… every crumb, dust, tuft of car fur. It’s a nightmare. Never again. One of our neighborhood friends just bought some new flooring that is less reflective and not as dark. I’d love to see how that works out for them. I still love the idea of hardwood floors… just not these.
I feel like all I do is clean. And sometimes I just can’t do it any more and I just let the work pile up because my sanity means more to me. The floor is going to look dirty anyways so I didn’t swiffer or mop it for like 2 weeks. I actually felt really good about it too.
That about sums up my life right now… Blogging & taking care of our house. This is yet another reason why I am not going back to work – I cannot imagine working 30-40 hours a week and having to come home to take care of this house. How the hell do people accomplish these things!?
So how are you doing my wonderful readers? I’d love to hear about what’s going on with you these days. Let’s catch up!