I went out last night to see Insurgent in theaters with Jeremy and a friend of mine named Tina. She and I had gone to see Divergent together last year, so seeing the second movie installment is just sort of a thing that had to happen, ya know? I’m really glad we got to go out and do that. But on the way home later that evening, I looked over at our outlet mall (not the one I work at) and I sighed in sadness. I said to Jeremy “I hope you don’t find this strange to hear… but I really miss Keegan.”
I used to spend a lot of time with Keegan. Remember about 2 months ago when my best friend moved away to Maine? I can’t believe it’s only been 2 months. It feels like it’s been so, so much longer.
Truth be told, we didn’t spend as much time together once I started seeing Jeremy, but we usually managed to catch up once a week and have lunch, maybe go browse about the aforementioned outlet mall. And even when we didn’t, we kept tabs on one another via texting. Before all of that, we’d see each other several times every week and spent several holidays together.
Now? Not so much. We go days without texting and sometimes even then the conversation isn’t really a conversation at all. I definitely lost something when he left and I don’t really know who to have that something with. Jeremy made a good point, suggesting that he thinks that while I probably do miss Keegan, I probably miss companionship even more. He’s probably right.
I don’t have any friends. I mean, yeah… of course I do. I’m sure if I really, really needed something there would be people who would come to my aid. But I don’t have a bestie. I don’t have someone I regularly do things with. That person is Jeremy now. We do near everything together.
I’ve teased him before and suggested that he doesn’t have friends… but truth be told, he has something more on par with friends than I do. I have acquaintances and co-workers. Some of the friends I have now, are co-workers that I see every day and work and don’t spend time with after hours. Even some friends I had (have?) I don’t have enough in common with to hang out with constantly.
I love Jeremy. I love doing things with Jeremy. But I’d give anything right now for a girl’s day. I want to go get pedicures and talk about boys. I want to go shopping for nail polish and not have a man literally pushing a cart back and forth trying to act silly until I give up and leave Target because he’s sick of waiting for me as I take 10 minutes to decide which Pink I want.
I need a friend. I am trying to think of the last time I made a new friend and I honestly can’t remember. Tell me I’m not alone in this. Tell me this is just how adulthood is sometimes. I can live with that as an answer.