I went to the gym today for the first time. Well, the first time in over a year. I started a new membership at Planet Fitness now that I don’t have any more excuses such as not having a ride to or from the gym. Jeremy came with me and we each signed up for their $20/month Black Card Membership. Kudos to me for accomplishing this monthly goal.
I want to be really honest on my blog. For one, I want my readers to feel like they aren’t alone and they they don’t ever have to feel ashamed of being who they are. Secondly, I want to hold myself accountable to both you and especially myself. That’s why I am going to share this journey with you.
When you sign up for a Black Card Membership at Planet Fitness, you get a t-shirt as one of the many perks. Today, I asked for a 5XL. I wish I were kidding. I wish I were exaggerating. It’s just… I still have my old shirt from when I started my old membership account which is a 3XL and it’s snug for my liking. I want to be comfortable while I am working out. I want to feel like I can move and my body can breathe. A size 4XL would have fit, but still… I am a size 4XL. This is unacceptable to me.
I’ve been really thinking about going to the gym for a while now. I’ve always been a big girl, but the weight I have put on since I met Jeremy is alarming. I weighed myself and realized that I had put on a good 40-50 pounds in just 8 months. My work clothes are getting too tight and if I don’t do something, it may only be a month or two before I have no choice but to buy larger clothes.
The absolute worst part is that I have cancelled plans with people recently because I am so embarrassed about my current size. I wouldn’t leave the apartment except that I have to go to work. I almost didn’t accompany Jeremy to dinner the other night with his brother for that very reason.
I weighed myself at the gym today. I currently weigh 330 pounds.
I just… I can’t even. The weight has become too much. My knees hurt and I feel like I am constantly carrying around bags of flour strapped to me. I have to do something about this. Progress. That’s the word I chose for this year. Joining the gym and working out for about 15 minutes? That was progress.
I just have to make myself go. I just need to get there. I can do this. I must do this. I am so worried about my health and I know I can do better. Today was just step 1 and I can be proud that I did it.
I will find a way to be happy in my own skin. I will build myself up one day at a time. So what if I could only stand to do 2 minutes on the elliptical before my heart was racing? It’s 2 minutes more than I did yesterday!
Are you facing the same weight loss challenge? Do you have any tips!?