Hmm. I don’t feel like it was a very productive week. Have you ever had so much to do that you get to the end of the week and you realize that somehow, you have even more on your to-do list than you did before? Geez… what the heck have I been doing!?
So this week, I will start off with a confession. I messed up financially and it’s really stupid. I hate myself for it. I realize it’s just money and it’s not like I can’t make more of it. But seriously? I’m really upset with myself for this one.
I overspent at Walmart. There… I said it. I knew I had when I did it but I justified it because I needed most of what I purchased (things like a new toothbrush, deodorant, laundry detergent, etc.). And the other things? Well, they were a gift for a friend who bought and/or gifted things to me many, many months ago who I haven’t gotten around to finding the perfect gift for. What can I say… My guilt likes to spend money.
On top of the money I spent at Walmart (which amounted to about $125), I bought a bunch of things this month via PayPal utilizing this “buy now, we’ll pay for it and we’ll just take the money from you in 14 days” thing they are allowing me to do. I’ve done okay with it so far but I guess I went a little overboard this month and didn’t plan very well.
Okay, so maybe I did not need those 4 My Little Pony posters which cost me $20 after shipping. But I mean… either Bruce or Oliver knocked over a soda can on my desk and destroyed one of them and my heart couldn’t stand to not replace it immediately as it was a gift. It was far cheaper to just go ahead and fork over $20 now for the set of 4 than to spend $25 on just one poster later.
Maybe I didn’t need the $39 Metal Nail Polish Rack but let’s be honest here – I have wanted one for a very long time (seriously, one of my biggest wants in life is a wall dedicated to nail polish… and that’s just about standards right?). These racks can get stupid expensive. I’ve been monitoring the prices on different types for a while and $39 seems to be an average price, if not a total steal. Plus there’s this little known fact in this house that my nail polish has taken over and I cannot stand to have it all sitting around on my desk any more. I am craving some sort of organization.
And then there’s the $15 I spent on purchasing ad space for this blog. Because I spent the money using PayPal, it also fell into buy now, pay later thing. I didn’t realize it. I thought it only chimed in for purchased goods – things that would be physically delivered to me. I thought I had actually paid this service up front. Oops.
So we’re looking at about $75 that needs to come out of my bank account. That’s not really a big deal. Don’t get me wrong… it’s a lot of money but what’s done is done. The trouble is that all of this is set to come out on or the day before I get paid and I have precisely enough money to get myself to work for the rest of the week. Great. Fabulous. Way to go Kimi.
The only good news in all of this (besides definitely having learned my lesson) is that because it’s due to come out on a weekend and there’s often a 2-4 day processing time, I might just make it by the skin of my teeth (wtf is that even supposed to mean?).
Speaking of money…
Jeremy has been wanting a PS4. It’s about $430 after tax. For his paycheck, that’s not a big deal. I mean, he can’t run around buying PS4 whenever he feels like it, but his paycheck can handle that if there’s not any other big purchases to be made. I really want for him to get one because I feel like he really deserves it. He works really hard and he should get to have this game system.
Except… then we spent a bunch of money because we were getting Bruce and Oliver (litter box, litter, kitty food, toys, carrier to bring them home, collars, etc). And then he spent over $300 on new glasses and prescription safety glasses for work this week. Sure, he’ll get reimbursed for the safety glasses eventually, but he still had to pay that up front. And then yesterday… his tire blew out and needs replaced. Fabulous. The man can’t catch a break and now I feel like it’s my fault.
Have you ever been in a relationship where you know you are definitely not the main bread winner? – all of the big purchases that need made or big bills that are handled are the responsibility of your partner. And for some reason, all of these “little” things keep happening that in their own right are no big deal. Add them all up however and it’s a big mess and even if you aren’t the one who caused his glasses to need replaced and you didn’t put that hole in his tire… somehow, it still feels like it’s all your fault.
That’s how I feel right now. I feel like I am slowly breaking this man down. I feel like somehow, I am a constant drain on the people around me and I don’t know why it always seems to happen. I realize that again, logically I am not the cause of the issue regarding his glasses or his tire. That doesn’t stop me from seeing a bunch of little things that pop up that make me wonder is there’s some sort of cosmic force that ruins the lives of people close to me. Does anyone else feel this way!?
Or maybe it’s the battered women’s syndrome talking. Who the fuck knows. More on this topic later.
Worst of all is that I reminded him yesterday of all of the money we’ll be spending in September. He has training to go out of town for. Sure, he’ll again be reimbursed for the travel expense, but he still has to pay it up front. There’s a weekend trip to see his family as well. It’s just gas money but it’s money spent regardless. Then there’s my tattoo. Long story short on this tattoo – I’ve wanted it a very long time and Jeremy offered to pay for it as my birthday gift this year. He doesn’t seem to understand that this tattoo is definitely going to cost over $300. That makes me feel even more guilty because he could be spending that on getting himself a PS4. Ugh.
Don’t get me wrong – All of these things can be afforded between us. I just feel like somehow, I am draining him financially and sucking the fun out of his life. I fail at money for reasons unknown to me. I often wish I could withstand getting a second job but with my sleep disorder, I’m lucky I make it to the one I have.
This Wednesday Wrap Up is sort of depressing and it doesn’t even cover my week. Money just seems to be the big subject in my life right now. Sorry. Kittens and rainbows to follow… promise.