I know I’ve been sharing a lot of ‘feels’ recently and I wanted to thank everyone for being so supportive, uplifting, and incredibly kind. I know for me, it sometimes feels weird when bloggers I enjoy are going through a rough time – especially if I can’t relate. So thank you for sticking with me and just being really cool about it.
This past weekend was really good for me. Although Jeremy got home incredibly late Saturday night, I had a full weekend away from the house. We didn’t get to do everything we wanted (I swear, I’ve been trying to go see X-Men: Apocalypse for a month now) but we had some productive conversations in regards to our lifestyle, my health, money, etc. Although I fear these talks may yet be just a band-aid over my feelings and issues, they have left me feeling like I’m in a good place for now.
If I’m being really honest, I think everything I’ve had on my mind has always been there and I just sort of cracked. I just started the 21st day of my period. I wish I were joking. I think somewhere around the start of week #3 I just couldn’t take the hormones any more and I broke down.
Yes, I know that having a 3 week long period is totally not cool and totally not normal. How in the hell did I ever go from no periods to having the periods from hell!? Get what you ask for, I guess. I know I need to go back to my doctor but since I fell through the cracks of the Affordable Health Care Act and South Carolina didn’t expand its Medicaid program, I’m at a loss here.
After our deep conversations this weekend, I finally… FINALLY got Jeremy to be proactive and to ask about his health insurance at work and find out if there were any chance at all of including me on it. He apparently has some sort of “plan” where every paycheck he pays into a medical fund and if he needs to use it, he can. He promised to find out more information but he’s pretty sure that he cannot involve me unless we’re married. Truth be told… it doesn’t sound like it would be of much use to me anyways. It doesn’t sound like a traditional health care insurance plan at all. Everything is directly out of pocket – meaning my repeat trips to the doctor would eat up that little nest egg fast.
Jeremy never gets sick and when he actually does, it’s some pathetic 3-4 day cold and it’s over. When he does go to the doctor, it’s for a checkup… ya know, that thing serious adults do (haha WTF I suck at adulting). He has his VA insurance as well, so he’s totally covered in every respect. But still, I would hate to end up using all of the money he’s stashed away in this fund for something like getting my lady bits looked at. At the end of the day, I’m not hurt or dying just because my overaies aren’t functioning correctly. So for now, I’m just going to have to accept that this is what it is. Save that money for an emergency scenario.
I don’t know where that puts us in regards to the whole starting a family thing. I turn 31 soon… so by the standards of my own biological clock, we still have 4 more years before I said I was done trying. For now, I’m going to focus on the things I CAN work on and CAN change.
This Week & Blogging
I’m feeling a lot less stuck this week and have started to bury my nose into my blog where it belongs. I love my blog and I think a portion (however small) of the problem for me lately is that blogging slows down so much in the summer and it’s difficult to keep it going strong until closer to Autumn when things really pick up in the blogging world. I’ve been making the push to do more around here, update some things, attract new sponsors (go say hi to my new loves in the sidebar!), and to focus on growing my readership again.
My regular posts like Things I Love Thursdays and Funko Fridays are getting major overhauls. I enjoyed those blogging prompts, but there were things about them that made for stressful, sub par posting. I’m exploring ways to make them better without making me want to rip my hair out.
I miss The Golden Snitch. I had such a great time with it and I think everyone who got involved did as well. I originally took a break because of moving and then it just sort of never came back. This is partly due to lack of time. But if I am being honest, I found that people weren’t interested in spending the money to help me offer larger prizes. I found myself paying a ton of money out of pocket for shipping a couple of times plus being responsible for covering the cost of whatever prizes the sponsors didn’t pay for. I couldn’t keep up with those costs. I am totally open to ideas on how to bring this back in July and make it better.
I’ve decided that going back to work right now is a dumb idea. I know we could use the money, but I just don’t see it being a possibility for us right now. My license is still suspended (I know, I know… it should have long since been taken care of but I didn’t have the extra funds to throw at it haha) and before I start regularly driving to and from work again, we have to pay to get it addressed. There’s just no sense in doing this in any other order.
Fix my license. Pay off the Chevy Cobalt. Sell the Chevy Cobalt. Use the money as a down payment on buying a newer, used car for myself. Go back to work part time.
This is how it has to work. It sucks, but this is the way we have to do it. Jeremy was talking about paying off the Cobalt and immediately buying me a new car but there’s no sense in doing this if I can’t legally drive it. I’m just going to have to work super hard to make money from my blogging efforts this summer and tighten our spending budgets elsewhere so we can pay off the car faster, plus address my license. We can totally do this! But it has to be in this order and going back to work isn’t the answer.
So again… thanks everyone for being so supportive during this time. I am really a very lucky lady that I have you all to vent my feelings and insecurities to. I know I will get through this heavy time in one piece – I’ve been through much worse in my life. Not really sure why these past few weeks came tumbling down on me, but I will pick myself up and we’ll all move forward to more awesome things.